Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Warren Haustrumerda - Tall Tales of Felony and Failure

Our special guest today is Warren Haustrumerda and his novella Tall Tales of Felony and Failure.
Warren is 39 years old and currently lives in Oakdale, Connecticut.

When did you first start writing?
I wrote a little in high school, but didn't actually start my first honest effort, which eventually became Tall Tales of Felony and Failure, until a few years ago.

What was your very first story about?
My favorite topics: treachery, felony, dereliction, and alcohol consumption!

Have you written anything that you were too afraid to let anyone read?
Yup, this story. That's why I'm rocking this awesome pseudonym!

Where is the one place you’ve traveled where you’ve felt most like you fit in?
Fremantle and Perth, Australia.

What activity or hobby, besides writing, do you find most enjoyable?
Homebrewing like a son of a *****!

What was your favorite childhood toy?
GI Joe and Star Wars action figures. Like a boss.

If you lost the ability to see every color but one, which one would it be?
Blue. But how would I be able to differentiate between anything?

How do you treat people you’re not fond of?
With the greatest respect imagineable (when I'm not able to avoid them completely) to mask my planning for their demise.

What is hiding in your closet as we speak?
Foul intentions.

What do you see as your greatest achievement?
My two wonderful children.

What, to you, is absolutely wrong?
Being dishonest with yourself. It's fine, and often required, to be dishonest with others. You shouldn't bull**** yourself, though.

What is the best advice you’ve ever received?
Money doesn't buy happiness, but it sure helps smooth over life's rough spots.

If you had to explain the concept “love” to someone who’s never heard of it before, how would you?
Love is an evolutionary trait required to ensure propagation of the species and care of our young. It's needed to override our big, rationale brains.

What about “hate?”
Another evolutionary survival mechanism.

You’ve decided to buy an exotic pet, what do you go for?
Uggh. I'm already waiting for our dog to pass so I can "de-pet" my life. I'm not keen on adding a new, more complicated animal.

What do you classify as an “Adventure?”
Every waking moment, if you're doing it right.

Who is your favorite literary character?
Cranston Staigne!

Who is your favorite character of your own creation?
Cranston Staigne! Redundancy!

If you could learn one new thing instantly, what would it be?
Mad ninja skills, like in the matrix.

Finish this sentence. “I sometimes find it hard to…”
resist just about any temptation.

What kind of education have you received, and how has that affected your writing?
Very limited formal education, which has probably limited my writing. Ignorance is bliss, though.

If you were ever to write an autobiography, what would its title be?
One Big, Dumb, Dirty Bas****

What if it was a biography of your favorite person?
No One's Been Where I've Gone: Hunter S. Thompson Is King Of The Universe

Name three things about that person that influenced or inspired you.
Contempt for authority, ability to ruthlessly identify core motivations behind the events he reported, ridiculous tolerance to recreational pharmaceuticals

Did you experience anything you’ve written yourself?
I've experienced just about everything I've written. I'm not clever enough to make things up.

Who are several of your greatest literary inspirations?
Hunter Thompson, John P. McAfee, Joseph Heller, and now Joe Abercrombie. Also there's Anthony Burgess, Jack Kerouac, William S. Burroughs, Ken Kesey, George Orwell, Kurt Vonnegut, Ernest Hemingway, John Steinbeck, Aldous Huxley, and H.P. Lovecraft. And a ton of others I'm sure I've forgotten to include. Also, Pink Floyd.

How much research time customarily goes into your projects?
Absolutely none.

Tell us about your featured book.
Tall Tales of Felony and Failure is a hilarious, mind altering, soul deadening ride through the eyes of a mildly insane and somewhat super-powered protagonist, Cranston Staigne. After discovering his ability to control time, Cranston embarks with his cohort Tom on a drunken escapade across three continents. During their travels, the pair commit numerous crimes, evade authorities, and cheat death. It’s magnificent decadence and dereliction as they explore unlimited power and unrepentant failure.

The Tall Tales of Felony and Failure extended ending is also available as a free download at http://malum.org/2011/07/tall-tales-of-felony-and-failure-extended-edition-ending-available-as-free-download/

Why did you write that?
I felt current fiction was too classy, and someone needed to drag it through the gutter for a bit.

Is there anything special you would like your potential readers to know?
That I am a compassionate man who cares about them all, individually and completely.

To be or not to be?
To Be, mother****er.

Special thanks to Warren for being with us today. Give his work a look, because it's not at all fattening.

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